I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
