My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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