Are we in a gay sports bar?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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