No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
