maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
