ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
