My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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