I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
