She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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