so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
