So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
