I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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