she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
