i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My penis needs a shock collar
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
