I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
