Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
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