bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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