My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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