my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
