And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
