i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
