You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
