i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
