I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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