Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
