i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
