The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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