we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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