Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I still have a little drunk in my system
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
