You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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