I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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