Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
