it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
