I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
