areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
