My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
