i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
