Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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