yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
