my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
