If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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