So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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