Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
