he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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