i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
