I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
