It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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