The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
