nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
