The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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