Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
