You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
