when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
